rolling stone, where art thou?

Peter Travers’ most recent fuscia quotable (culled from the banner of a print ad in this week’s The Onion), ass-tonguing Apatow’s Pineapple Express:

“This is like if Superbad met Midnight Run and they had a baby, and then Pulp Fiction and True Romance met Freaks and Geeks and Undeclared and they had a baby, and by some miracle those babies met—this would be the funny movie they birthed.”

—Peter Travers (pictured above)

Peter Travers, thanks so much for telling me all about Pineapple Express, Peter Travers. I plan on Peter Travers seeing the film for no reason other than your bloated Peter Travers endorsement on page 21, which, incidentally, leapt up straight outta the adspace and nearly poked out both my eyes, Peter Travers. No hard feelings, though. Seeing as Rolling Travers is an established big-ass magazine and all, Peter, I entrust myself to your Peter Travers musings fully, utterly, completely.

I’m sure the Peter film Travers, Pineapple Express, is everything one might Travers wish for in a summer feel-good viewing experience and then some, Peter Travers, so gahblessya—from the bottom of meh gahdamn heart—for steering me ‘way from those skunky skull-pollutin’ films and pointing those toes o’ mine in the right die-rection. ‘Fore you can say ‘Armageddon’ I’ll steam-walk A to B straightaway to the nearest theater complex so that I might throw my change at Peter Travers, or Judd Apatow, or Seth Rogan—or Peter Travers—cuz I want nothin’ more than to offer up my dimes to a great (Travers) cause, great (Travers) art, and, of course, because I often chuckle vacuously at forgettable stoner comedies.

Goodnight, Rolling Stone, and (Peter Travers) goodbye.
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