Happy 587th, The Onion. Raise your flutes, people. To the Zweibels!
17) Amazon Recommendations Understand Area Woman Better Than Husband
16) Darwinists Flock to Darwin-Shaped Wall Stain
15) A Gentleman Never Discloses Who Sucked Him Off
14) Aging Pope Blessing Everything In Sight
13) Everyone Involved In Pizza's Preparation, Delivery, Purchase Extremely High
12) Canucks-Blues Game Goes Into Extra-Puck-Time Or Something
11) Fucking Yankees, Reports Nation
10) Kevin Federline, Wife Divorce
9) Wikipedia Celebrates 750 Years Of American Independence
8) (advice column): Ask The Stage Directions To Tennessee Williams' Cat On A Hot Tin Roof
7) Eight-Pound Man Removed From Woman's Vagina6) Trophy Wife Mounted
5) Insane Clown Posse Gets Ride To Concert From Mom
4) In Search Of A Better Life, Teen Moves Downstairs
3) Space Jam Actor Larry Bird Spotted At Game 2 Of NBA Finals
2) Special Olympics T-Ball Stand Pitches Perfect Game
1) Man Has Sex At Woman
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Rumors Swirl Around Palin
Ever Since Sen. John McCain's selection of Gov. Sarah Palin as his running mate, the press has been abuzz with rumors about the former mayor of Wasilla, AK. Here are some of the more persistent rumors (I'm only including one of the eight):
In addition to the five children that the media are aware of—Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trig—Palin also has nine secret children: Frag, Moss, Scoot, Skiffer, Minnow, Plow, Snatch, Twiglet, and Drum
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3 comments:
The Onion also discovered that Palin is actually a Muslim.
Very true. And she has a tramp-stamp in the shape of Alaska. The Onion, like the Enquirer, seems a good three or four steps ahead of the mainstream media.
I have to add two more:
1) "Head Deadhead Dead"
2) "Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades" (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33930)
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